Blessingway
By Lydia M. Crabtree
Cofounder, Author, HPs
A Blessingway honors a usually tired expectant mother with a time of full rejuvenation before the journey of childbirth is to begin. It is a more functional, active and enjoyable alternative for Pagans to experience a baby shower while avoiding silly games and brings the focus around to the true meaning and purpose of the shower – gifting the mom and baby with the things they will truly need for their impending journey and separation.
Utilizing the egg as a symbol of fertility and birth is powerful for the mom-to-be. In the ritual below, we created with our hands blown eggs with pencils and odds-and-ends, like soft sculpted foam animals for totems, glitter and tissue from a local craft store. These eggs were specifically for the mom to crush in order release the energy within to use during labor. These eggs, after being blown, can be carefully opened at one end to stuff, then using a glue stick and tissue paper sealed again.
The mother this ritual was written for has used them since to release the energy into her home when she has had a “mommy moment.” She reports this is very satisfying to her on many levels, the least of which is frustration elimination.
Bright, blood-red yarn is the umbilical cord. This cord, as you will see, will bind the group and erect the circle for you. It gives the participants a sense of acceptance, sisterhood and safety. It also shows the mother that the natural, messy parts of childbirth can be beautiful symbols that never go away.
Using multi-colored yarn, allow each participant to pick a color and give their explanation of each to the mother. This section has the umbilical cord theme carried into it as the participants tie themselves to the mother. They agree in the tying to wear their portion until the birth of the baby and remember the mother in her discomfort and journey.
The mother ends up with a wrist-full of cord that she can wear or carry in a pocket. This reminds her of the sisterhood of woman journeying with her: She is not alone. It also gives each participant an opportunity to share their own truth and wisdom with the mother, allowing full participation. The same red yarn can also be used as time, money and other constraints involved.
The painting of the belly is another affirming action the mother can enjoy. Each person draws symbols and words of power on the mother’s belly, then pictures can be taken of the finished product. Non-toxic body paint pens are fairly inexpensive, and in my experience, this was one of the most rewarding exercises.
Preparation
The food is prepared and laid out in the kitchen for after ritual. This is important as everyone, especially the mom, will be hungry. By preparing and planning ahead, food (and the natural grounding) is just a walk into another room.
The altar and tables are set up prior to the guests’ arrival. There is a basket with the eggs pre-blown and cleaned and all the stuffing laid out for ease in viewing, which includes all the needed materials – paper, scissors, glue, glitter of various colors, odds and ends. There is a ball of yarn and body paint pens on the altar. A lit, white candle is handy, and the altar is lit with all the candles we need, including one small and one in the very center flanked by one large round purple one. The small white one is the unborn baby, and the purple one is the mom. This candle is large so she can burn it as a reminder long after everyone leaves. Other candles chosen by the family members are near this grouping, standing as sentinels. Have some of her favorite music playing in the back ground
Allow the participating women to gather in the sitting area of the living room and have ribbon or rope that separates the sacred space. As women are gathering, they are writing and tying things to the Encouragement Tree. When all the woman have gathered, get their attention and smudge each participant with the white candle. The house should have been saged prior to anyone arriving.
Preritual
Talk to them about perfect love and trust before beginning the ritual.
Priestess: Behind this barrier is a place of perfect love and trust where each of us for a time will leave behind the worries and concerns outside this place. [Mom’s name], please come into the center. We have come here as the Ancient Navajo have done before us to celebrate a Blessingway, to take note that this woman, [Mom’s name], is about to embark on a journey like no other, to give of ourselves in ways we haven’t imagined and to do this in the sanctity and purity of the sacred space we create. Trust now in yourself! Trust now in the Gods and Goddesses that you believe in, Jesus and Mary, Gaia and Morgan, Curnunos and Odin. Step into this space and remember this only warning: What we are about to do is as holy an act as any you have ever done and when we leave all that is said and done continues to be that sacred, that holy.
Begin saging all the woman, allowing them to enter the circle, leaving the mom outside. After all the woman have been saged and the mom is still standing outside, step into the circle and begin.
Ritual
Call the quarters and goddess according to your preference.
Maiden: Welcome! My name is [Name]. In places that are holy, I am [Name]. I am the Maiden.
Mother veils herself.
Warrior Maid: Welcome! My name is [Name]. In places that are holy, I am [Name]. I am the Warrior Maid.
Warrior Maid veils herself.
Mother: Welcome! My name is [Name]. In places that are holy, I am [Name]. I am the Mother.
Mother veils herself. Crown remains on the altar.
Crone: Welcome! My name is [Name]. In places that are holy, I am [Name]. I am the Crone.
Crone veils herself.
Priestess: In times before our ways vanished, the Maiden, the Warrior Maid, the Mother and the Crone were the guideposts for all women everywhere, each with their own ritual and offering.
I call you to the times ancient and gone-by. Times before all the electrical conveniences were known, when woman celebrated the mysteries of their bodies and their lives: the coming age and time of your first cycle, your first consummated night of passion, your marriage, your time of entering into wisdom and age of menopause and conception and birth. All of these were marked by ritual and watched over by the Maiden, the Warrior, the Mother and the Crone.
Times have fast forwarded like our VCRs and the things that marked us and called us into womanhood have passed us by. We are now standing on the thresholds of emptiness. The convenience of modern man presses around us, the stress almost too overwhelming to deal with.
We believe you can construct a barrier to this: It is called the scared circle. Do you feel the oppression of man upon you? All the expectations and unrealistic ideologies of our society weighing upon your chest? Let’s us cut them off. The Maiden will lead the way!
Maiden calls East. Warrior Maid calls South. Mother calls West. Crone calls North.
Priestess takes up the athame.
Priestess: This is a blade made for many things, and in this instance it is the blade of protection. As we walk this circle (hand athame to the Maiden) four times, envision a blue light, a blue barrier laid between us and the world of oppression outside.
The Maiden, the Warrior Maid, the Mother and Crone lay the circle. When the Crone finishes, take the yarn and start with a woman near where the mom waits outside. Begin loosely weaving the yarn around each woman’s wrist while talking while saying the following:
Priestess: When we are born the umbilical cord joins us all. It is the life-giver when we do not know air; it is the warmth-provider when we do not know fire; it is the thirst-quencher when we do not know water; it is the only thing that grounds and connects us when we do not know earth. It is where we glean the very soul of our ancestors into ourselves. And despite the fact that this cord is cut, the invisible tie never dies. This tie can be traced back, child to mother and child to mother, until we reach the very same conclusion: Our mothers are the same mothers, and our union through this cord makes us all sisters.
Stop weaving, leaving room for the mom to enter. Look at the mom’s mother.
Priestess: And yet I feel as if a sister is missing, a sister in need, a sister heavy with the coming burden of birth, a sister tired from the labor of carrying the fullness and expectation of a new soul. My sister, do you know the name of the one left out here?
The mom’s mother: Yes, the mother.
Priestess: And do you feel she has proven through her time of growth and becoming in fullness that she is worthy?
The mom’s mother: Yes.
Priestess: And do you all here gathered today, believe in your hearts that the one unknown to us, the one outside our sacred ground, is worthy?
All: Yes.
Priestess: Is she the goddess, the fullness of motherhood?
All: Yes.
Priestess: Should we bring her in and adorn and bless her and prepare for the changes about to take place?
All: Yes.
Cut a door and greet the mome with sage.
Priestess: All Hail! Thou are the Maiden Goddess! What is your name?
The mom: [Name]
Priestess: Welcome, [Name], you who is known in sacred circles as Earth Goddess!
Smudge the mom and close the circle. Realize her state and transfer the title of Mother Goddess, giving her the crown and veil to wear.
All: Hail, Mother Goddess! I am your midwife and servant, Mother Goddess, Thank you for consenting and consecrating our circle. Bless this magical rite. All hail and blessed be!
Priestess: Mother Goddess, for you this is not just a barrier against the outside world; this is your womb, and we are the barrier that creates it.
The mom sits in comfort in the center, maybe some flowers given to her. Finish weaving the yarn through the women. This should be done loosely, cutting and tying the ends.
Priestess: This yarn is your womb, [Name].
Have the mom place the yarn in a circle around herself.
Priestess: Inside, you are safe, adored, beloved, cherished, strong and good, and there is no room for the baggage of anything else. You are the Mother Goddess in full form and beauty, and we are all your midwives, All hail!
All: All hail, Mother Goddess!
Priestess: Now, let us begin to give of ourselves so that when the Mother Goddess enters into the trial and pain required by creation she has our strength to aid her. Everyone, please go to the table and choose a colored thread.
Allow time for this.
Priestess: One at a time, each of you bring your thread to the Mother Goddess.
Each woman, taking turns, brings her thread to the mom, saying the following or something similar:
I tie this knot on you, so you may remember our sister and her coming labor. I tie this knot on you, Mother Goddess, so you may know this woman’s love, this woman’s strength, this woman’s care, this woman’s concern.
Each woman may take a turn, telling the Mother Goddess about her births, children, loves, loses and trails and all that brought her through them.
Priestess: Now I cut the umbilical cord, giving each one of you a piece to take and cherish and to hold a piece of the other.
Cut the cords and give each woman a piece.
Priestess: We have now shared ourselves with the Mother Goddess. Let us rain down blessings upon the life within her womb. Please find a brush and a paint color. Somewhere on the Mother Goddess, draw or paint something and share with the group what it is and why you are painting it. These symbols and adornments should be for the child-to-be or the mother.
Allow time for this.
Priestess: Now we have given a piece of each other to the Mother Goddess. We have offered blessings to her and the life in her womb. Now we offer her strength. During the time of deepest pain, we seek to leave the Mother Goddess with something she can use that we have given her. On the table are eggs, empty with their tops cut off. They are clean on the inside. Please fill them with adornments from the table and seal them with tissue then place them in the prepared basket. Know that when the Mother Goddess’ labor is the hardest, the eggs and the energy and things you put in them will be broken on the floor, and that energy will be used in her time of greatest need. As you are making them, tell the Mother Goddess what it is you are putting on the inside and why.
Allow time for this.
Maiden: Maiden speaks wisdom to the Mother Goddess.
Presents her gift with the reason behind it.
Warrior Maiden: Warrior speaks wisdom to the Mother Goddess.
Presents her gift with the reason behind it.
Crone: Crone speaks wisdom to the Mother Goddess.
Presents her gift with the reason behind it.
Priestess: The Maiden, Warrior and Crone have spoken truths to the Mother Goddess and words of encouragement. You are her friends, and family. Speak now anything you are led to speak and give your gifts with or without explanation. Remember, she is the Mother Goddess, and all you give is good enough!
Allow time for this.
Priestess: The time for our sacred rite has ended. We will wear our umbilical cords until this woman sheds the cord within her womb. Mother Goddess, know this: The cords around your wrist are the bonds of your friendship and love and family.
Present her with cord.
Take us all on the journey of creation you are about to face and garner our strength for your own! Take our gifts; may they lighten your load. Take our eggs and smash them when the time has come. Release the energy and feel our power that we created for you today. Take this blessing: Merry meet, Mother Goddess. You cannot leave us while you are the embodiment of life expected! We will be here, tied by our wrists, having given our gifts, painted on your body and stored in the eggs strength. Call our names, and we will ever know you as Earth Goddess, [Name]. So Mote It Be!
Dismiss and close the circle as your tradition prefers.