Family Wiccan Traditions International, Inc.

Unequally yoked is a phrase usually heard within the Christian community and refers to the Bible verse that says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). Personally I hate the verse because I have had many a family member use it on me when referring to my unholy marriage with my non-Christian husband, although, I don’t hear those sentiments much more now that I am not Christian myself. Today I am using the phrase unequally yoked not to refer to the Christian Bible verse in anyway, but rather to mean those of us who have partners who do not share the same beliefs as us. While our spiritual journeys are our own, our beliefs and practices do affect our immediate family and partners. I want to start an article series about this topic, so that those of us who are in this same situation can share in our strategies of coexisting.

I am no stranger to partnering with someone very different then myself. My husband is not Pagan or Wiccan in anyway and while he is supportive of my beliefs there are issues that come up. Differences between partners are not limited to religion either. For example, I am vegan while my husband eats large quantities of meat. On top of having differences with our partners we also have to deal with differences in our families. My entire family is made up of Conservative Christians, who are also hunting maniacs. You can imagine how well my Pagan and Vegan beliefs are viewed within my family.  I am in the broom closet with most of my family because of this and have been warned that I will be completely disowned if I continue on this “satanic” path I am currently on. Needless to say I am very use to learning to compromise and to mix my beliefs. I can tell you with certainty that I definitely do not have all the answers yet, nor have I learned how to handle all situations. My husband and I already know we will have to start this coexisting process all over again once we have children-especially since he does not want his children to be Pagan or vegetarian. I will admit I am not looking forward to that challenge when it comes my way. For now though all I can do is to do my best and to offer what strategies I do have.

Here are some of the strategies that I will be discussing further in future articles. My first piece of advice is to talk, talk, and talk some more with your partner-open communication is key! Always remember to be respectful of your partner’s beliefs. For example, I am not helping my cause by making rude comments every time my husband cooks a steak with our dinner-I am only going to annoy him at that point. I have learned that our actions have more of a positive effect then our words when it comes to conflicting viewpoints. While it can be hard to do things separately go ahead and do it if that is the best solution at this time. My husband does not do ritual with me nor does he attend any Pagan events I go to. I will admit that it can be lonely at times, and that I am sure most of my Pagans friends probably doubt this mysterious husband of mine even really exists. It means more to me at this time though that my husband supports me going to these events then it does that he goes with me. He is always encouraging me to do more Pagan things, and offers his support in other ways then his presence. Sometimes his support comes in the form of financial support (he paid for me to go to this year’s Pantheacon) or sometimes it comes from him surprising me with flowers he bought for my altar because he knows Ostara is coming up. Try not to focus on the areas your partner is not supporting you in, but rather focus on the ways they are supporting you! If we get caught up in the negativity and hardships within our relationships, we will be blinded to all the amazing things that are happening. Our partners are our partners for a reason-they can’t be all bad. We need to love them and support them in the same way we want them to support and love us. Remember that relationships are a two-way street built on a solid foundation of mutual love, respect, and support for each other.

Blessings,

Hoi Sum